7 Days to Die

So it’s called 7 Days to Die but I lasted about 4 hours and never wanted to play this game again. I have two main issues with this game and with these survival / zombie games in general (Replace 7 days 2 die with Rust so I don’t have to write a review for that game too):

 

1. The graphics are shite.

2. The controls are shite.

 

I’ve seen better graphics in mods for Half Life 1. Everything looks crappy with low polygon count 3d objects and what look like 2D trees all over the place. Is that a car or a square box with a picture of a car painted on it? The controls are kinda clunky – I feel like I’m floating with a constant 1000 ping to the server but sadly I was playing single player on my computer and not connected though the internet.

 

Maybe I’m being harsh since it’s still an early access game… or maybe not. For $24.99 go buy something else like a couple bottles of rum.

Battlefield 4

Man, oh man did I have a great time with Battlefail 4 Battlefield 4.
This game is “the greatest”. I promise. Just pick it up, install it to your PC, and play.

Why?

So you can taste the epic dick of DICE/EA being shoved down your throat.
I enjoy the taste of hot, foaming ejaculate so much that I play it quite regularly. You won’t experience any problems whatsoever, so go on and try it yourself.

And while you’re at it, pick up Premium. Nothing to do here but enjoy a great, buggy, generic shooter.

King Arthur’s Gold

Great game. I bought this originally as a fun game for my brother, nephew and I to play cheaply. There was an indie bundle listed with this game. I’ve clocked in many hours playing it and my nephew has really enjoyed the standard game as well. Recently a mod example was released called Shiprekt which I’ve been playing almost exclusively as opposed to the vanilla base game.

 

The standard game is a 2d side scroller with typically 2 teams in various vs modes. Take The Halls (TTH) is a base capture mode where the goal is capture all the bases to win. Each base has the ability to build shops that can be assigned to various in game items (bombs, boats, etc..). In this mode you have 3 different player classes to choose from. You have the knight (shield and sword), archer and builder. The builder collects resources from trees and rocks to build mostly defensive constructs – he’s also the one that can build shops and whatnot. There’s a mode called Capture the Flag that is similar with with flags at each base you need to steal.

The example mod that was released – called Shiprekt is an overhead mod that allows you to build ships with turrets, bombs and other things depending on the version of the mod you’re using.

 

Eh.. that’s about as much reviewing as I feel like doing. Too much work. oh – the game is normally $9.99 via their website or Steam but right now direct from their website you can purchase two copies for $12.99. Worth it.

 

Contagion

So,

Contagion. You are slow but you’re slightly faster than the zombies. You get a random selection of weapons and a cell phone. You have to hold the cell phone next to your face so you can tell where you’re going and you don’t have a bluetooth device for your phone at all.

 

Zombies are all over the fucking place and somebody installed chain link fences all over the damn city with empty police cars next to them. Survivors (not real people but NPCs) are stupid as shit and stand around getting eaten but they tend to congregate in one place which makes it convenient for you and the zombies to meet up and fight over them.

 

That’s about it..

Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare

In Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, players take on the role of a princess with a mysterious connection to the world of the dead. This novel and original action RPG / survival crafting  hybrid seems targeted at the casual gamer, but don’t be fooled. With challenging and thoughtful mechanics that require skill, patience, and a sense of strategy, the later levels can be punishingly difficult.

The strategic depth is evident later in the game, as tactical possibilities broaden and enemy AI toughens up. There’s a satisfying sense of advancement, and later levels feel and play notably different than earlier ones.

Even the artwork and level designs are original. Bright colors and strong contrasts make navigating levels refreshing while eliciting a sense of wonder. It’s a welcome break from the usual gray-grayish green-grayish blue-blue color palettes of most modern titles.

The only thing that could have made this game better is a multiplayer mode. It might still be added in a later patch, as the developers of the Call of Duty series have a strong history of post-release support.

FTL

Alright Falken. You get your second review. Right now, half assed, as requested. All so it doesn’t look shitty.

Now that we have that bullshit out of the way. FTL (Faster Than Light) has been out since late 2012 and was a game that pretty much ensured my rage. The game is hard. Really fucking hard. Easy is like normal for a NES game. If you don’t know what an NES is just, go somewhere please. Premise is your a Federation ship trying to escape the impending doom of a Rebel fleet bearing down on your 6. You jump from system to system dealing with a wide variety of situations, while accruing “salvage” which is apparently the BitCoin of the universe cause mother fuckers be accepting it. All of them. You use this salvage to also upgrade existing systems on your ship. The systems you start with depend on which ship you start with. The ship you start with, depends on what you’ve unlocked. This ain’t a wiki, go look that shit up if you want it.

You still here?

Fine you lazy prick, http://ftl.wikia.com/wiki/FTL:_Faster_Than_Light_Wiki is a decent wiki for information.

With that said, they recently released Advanced Edition to all current owners. Great, I haven’t even beat the fucking game on Easy yet… let alone normal, now there is a hard? HARD?! Really? Guess I need to work on my APM to get to Masters League in Korea. That was an unrelated Starcraft 2 joke you ominous prick. Anyway, they added some modules an additional race or two… basically a bunch more shit to add layers to my already growing Rage Cake.

Do I recommend it? Hell yeah I recommend it. Fucking badass game.

 

Edit: Apparently this is the third review because BlueFox is a dick.